It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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