whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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