he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
