So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
