omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this just has baby written all over it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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