dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have post one night stand depression
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