Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
