remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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