I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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