hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
