Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
