Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
