just tell him i said nine months
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
