How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
