mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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