isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
