Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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