My Higher Power is John Stamos
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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