U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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