i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
