Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
