I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
