How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
