she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
