Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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