the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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