Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
