one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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