So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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