bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Plan B is the new Plan A
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
