I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
