Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
