Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
