i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
