He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
