apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
