Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
