I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
