Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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