His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
