I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
