Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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