I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
