Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
