Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
