moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
