The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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