Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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