I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
