im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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