Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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