you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
