just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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