Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
