do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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