please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
40s are totally the cure
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
