The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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