Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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