Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
