I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
