based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
