love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
