found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
